


Razor Prank

by stipulativeTzigane



Series: Striders [3]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: Gen, Jackass - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-11
Updated: 2014-12-11
Packaged: 2018-02-26 05:25:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,931
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2639765
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stipulativeTzigane/pseuds/stipulativeTzigane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>alternet titles:<br/>How Dave died<br/>and in wich Bro and Dave wach a shitty movie and get shitty ideas</p>
            </blockquote>





	Razor Prank

they didn't see it in theaters. dave wanted to but bro was busy that week, and didn't think it would be that cool . so dave, asked every night and proceeded to make Bro miserable as possible until they saw it. both of them bugged Roxy to pirate it. Dirk called her once, about a week after the opening night, asking her in the most coolest of ways, or as cool as he could when he was begging for her and her coding majicks to get it. she reminded him that it was still in theaters. he said it was a matter of pride now. she called him crazy. dave had a different approach. calling her early in the evening and staying on the phone with his dearist mamalalonde and cahing up with her sitting patiently through her lengthy discussions about wizzard mostly, explaining the newest developments on how Roxy has been feeling, and silently adding to the list of dirt you have on the younger Lalonde's home life (really rose w mustaches). until late night when she was properly drunk, as well as remembering the heartwarming memories, she'd had with her precious little striderson. and then he mentioned in passing how he'd really wanted to see this new movie and his mean big brother wouldn't let him see it. he got it the next day first thing in the morning. first day of a three day weekend Dave rolled outof bed at the asscrack of noon stumbling out of bed, and turning on his pc on the way to the bathroom. Bro was awaken by Dave making what was not a high picked ohmygodohmygodohmygod from his bedroom and then banging on bro's door informing him that he had in fact received a brandy newy copy of Jackass the movie. dave had managed not to watch it in the time it took Bro to take a shower and eat some cereal. Dave laughed half a moment after the credits, never made it to the cart sean, Bro held out until the night pandas chucking a bit. when it finished, they watched it again, and then watched bloopers and then they watched it with commentary, and then they went through it and watched their favorite parts. including the pandas and party boy in tokyo, and the fireworks in the parents bedroom. and they laughed, really actually laughed it was suppertastic, wonderrific, fantastical. then it was like two at night and they stumbled off to bed to dream of dancing sugar plums and electrocuted male genitala. so Dave laying in bed looking up to the ceiling received a thought, a horrible, wonderful, eeeeeeeevvvvvviiiiilllll thought. he thought it and immediately he knew it was the kind of plan that would get him hurt, would probably get im beat, in the non ironic way he'd never been beat before. and in the interest of both him and his older brother he tried to push the horrible, wonderful, evil idea from his mind. but laying in bed looking up at the ceiling, he could not banish the thought from his mind. so instead, after several hours of trying he accepted the thought into his life, and began to plan.

the next day he woke up early, or earlier then a dave should exist on a sunday. he remembered the movie, he remember the thought, and then he went to the convenience store about a block away. the minute he bought the electric razor there was no stopping him, he hid it quickly in his stillidex in a daze already broken into the ridiculously hard to open package and put in batteries. he knew it would be hard as fuck to accomplish and he knew that it would get him killed but there was no way to stop him he got home, he thought maybe if bro is asleep i'll just go to my room and loose my nerve, he figured that would be for the best, and hoped silently that bro was still sleeping as he opened the door the. the Bro in question was not sleeping, he was in fact sitting at his workbench back towards the door dave felt his throat close off, bro had headphones in and his music was loud enough to hear across the room. it was too perfect too to have hoped for, dave felt as if in a dream as he silently treated across the infinite space, in slow motion he drew his weapon and clicked it on so that it hummed in his hand and with one smooth quick motion he ran it up the back of his older brother's head removing a hearty slice of the well cared for gold locks that Bro worked so hard to keep pristeen. the world seemed to freeze. dave watched something in bro's shoulders tense and was then fascinated by how slowly hair falls to the ground still holding the weapon he looked up to the odd patch of skin, that started just too low to hide under a ball cap but too high to disguise with a popped collar, and then bro was turning slowly and dave couldn't move, when he saw them above there triangle shades bro's eyes were pure shock, they darted down to the weapon in dave's hand and then back up the boy melting from shock to pure anger, dave's heart doubled and the lone functioning synapse in his brain screamed that he should run.

dave shoots out of the room dropping the razor and slamming into his bedroom door locking it with quick hands, and shoving his desk chair in front of it. he doesn't even start to believe that will hold his brother out for more than a minute, if he had more time he would tell you exactly how long it would take bro. but unfortunately he is too busy grabbing a empty bag, shoving his valuables in it and climbing out the fire escape, he also doesn't believe it will take bro too long to figure out which exist he took of he scrambles through the open window a few stories down.

"Dave!" Mrs. Porum looks up from a book she's been reading, dave regrets breaking in here, Mrs. Porum was really nice and helpful, her not son Kankri used to baby sit Dave before He went away to law school Dave opens his mouth to explain, possibly apologies but there's the sound of someone jumping hard into the fire escape, and he's gone out of the apartment all together. Mrs. Porum still shocked stairs after Dave's Absconding path a moment before she's almost trampled by bro strider and his trail of curses.

dave slammed into the stair's balcony unable to stop his own momentum, before he jumped over the ledge, caching the third one down and clamoring back to the other side, he flew to room 420 where he knew the door would be unlocked the smell of pot hit him like a wall, he coughed a bit from the smoke, a bit from the running, stumbling deeper into the clouded room and finding the window again. a heavily sedated clown grins mirthfully from the corner giving a lazy wave before becoming distracted by his own hand. dave grips the side of the building having crashes down another two flights of fire escape before he heard a loud distressed honk from up above, he slides into the new open window an apartment's with to the left relatively easily.

"Hey you can't be in here!" a slender man coated from head to toe in grey paint, on his head were orange antennae of some sort, and most disturbingly he held a doll that looked way too much like dave to be okay, in his other hand was a shorter doll in a grey sweater they were practically centimeters from each other. this held dave’s attention for a minute. 

“what the fuc-”

“DAVE! IMA GONNA KILL-” Bro’s voice came through the window and dave paled. and was gone. he slid down the railing jumping down whole flights of stairs, glancing upward once or twice to see bro three flights two flights, above him. he made it to the door, when he got blindsided, he knew Bro played football in highschool but he didn’t understand that until Bro’s shoulder hit his ribs, and he was lifted slammed into wall perpendicular to the exist. bro’s hand holding him to the wall via dave’s throat. Dave tried to to say something to get down to do anything, but bro’s eyes stopped him, deep and burning they scared him more then the possibility of passing out did. there was an infinite moment where dave wished he could push up his shades, or sink into the wall, or go back in time, or breath. Dave really wanted to breath. and then bro let him go and he stumbled down falling to his knees , his brain told him to run again but honestly he was winded, “UP STAIRS NOW!!!!!” Bro’s voice roared in dave’s ears, but he moved stumbling the first steps until he could find feet, bro was at his heels, with a heavy handed shove forward when Dave was too slow. when they reached the apartment door he was pushed into the living room “STAND!” Bro pointed to the spot in front of the futon. dave went there shaking and terrified, as Bro paced walking a predictable path in front of the cinder block coffee table. “I DON'T EVEN-” he started throwing a glare and making a large arm movement. hand singing to absent mindedly riffle the hair on the back of his head looking at his hand with a bit of aggravated shock. when he hits the new bald spot. before he turned again and glared at dave “I MEAN HOW DO YA- WHAT MADE YOU!” he turned again teeth bared “AND THEN I MEAN- I JUST” he seemed to get too angry to talk jaw set hard arms tence, fist balled there was a sense he needed to do something drastic. still pacing he turned to the wall near the tv and pushed his fist through it.Dave watched with horror in his eyes, that was suppose to be his head, bro was going to deliver a blow like that to his skull and he was going to die. Bro got quiet angry horrible quiet that made the last of dave’s blood run like ice. the moment of silence stretched for years. before Bro moved back from potential to kinetic. “STAY” dave didn't dare breath as bro stomped into the hallway, grabbing a screwdriver off his work bench. Dave was shaking eyes wide ears straining to hear where Bro would certainly ambush him from. 

“THIS” bro slammed a twist of metal on to the coffee table. “is you door’s lock.” Dave stared a moment. “i now have it.” he picked it up with a toss caching it cooly. “this means that i can, potentially at any point enter your room” dave’s eyes widened behind his shades, “when your sleeping,” Bro twisted the metal around in his fingers “when you're on your computer” dave watched in slick horror as the copper mechanism spun heavenly “when you're chilling with friends.” there eyes met, “and so on.” he stowed the metal in his stiladex, smiling. and turning away. “dismissed”

“that’s it!” dave looked at where his bro sat again at his workbench.  
“oh no, not at all little man, this is far from over.” Dave stood there a moment letting that sink in before he absconded to his room. 


End file.
